"Internet Cleaning Tips!"

Too much housework keeping you way from the internet? Here are some sure fire short cuts that will have you back online in no time!

Cleaning the Bathroom

Simply close the lid of the toilet. Close the shower door or curtain. For the illusion of a freshly cleaned bath, pour some Lysol in the trash can. That should hold you until you finally get someone to empty the trash.

Doing the Dishes

If it doesn't come off in the dishwasher, run it again and again. For really stubborn crud, just throw the dish out and start fresh. An even better idea, use paper plates, plastic utensils, paper napkins, etc. Provided your family member or neighbor is taking out the trash, of course.

Dusting

Only do what is at eye level or below. And only right before someone is coming over! Run rag over everything quickly. (Don't even waste your precious time on the furniture polish. That would mean extra minutes away from your computer, and that is just unacceptable!) For the illusion of using those products, spray some air freshener.

Laundry

Find a good place to hide it! If you absolutely need to do it like you have no underwear (heck who needs underwear) wash them then stick them in the dryer. When it is time to fold them, DON'T! Just run the dryer to get out the wrinkles when you need new clothes. Then when the utility bill comes you can have a stroke! (As if it's already not high enough with all the computer equipment you got running 24-7!)

Sweeping and Mopping

Have your dog sweep floors with tail and lick up all crumbs. If there are any stubborn spots that require scrubbing recruit the cat. You may have to add some tuna water to spot in order to insure a thorough job. (It's about time their earned their keep!) If you do not have a dog or cat, you are in trouble! Quick! Go find one roaming the neighborhood! (Remember... Kittens are free!)

Taking out the Trash

If you cant find anyone in your house to take it out, try to bribe a neighbor or guilt them into it. Say you hurt your back or some other sob story. A good story might even get a few sympathy dinners out of the neighbor as well! Try not to use the same story too often as they might get suspicious.

Vacuuming

Call up a salesman for a vacuuming demonstration. Have him show you how the vacuum works in all parts of the house. Insist that even though the carpet looks the same, it really is different in all parts of the house. Some valuable tips for success: Don't always call same company, keep a chart and rotate.

Washing the Car

Move it into the garage. (Heck, you don't use it anyways. It's not like anyone is going to see you drive it!)

Yard Work

Raise goats for some extra income. Set them loose in the yard and they will keep the grass trimmed nice and neat. Plus they'll eat any of the debris that gets in the yard. Sell them in the winter, then you can start with a new bunch in the spring.
Hopefully you find this list helpful in conserving that valuable online time. Remember that frozen dinners and food delivery services are a life saver on those days that you just cant seem to get away from the puter!

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