"Internet Cleaning Tips!"
Too much housework keeping you way from the
internet? Here are some sure fire short cuts that will
have you back online in no time!
Cleaning the Bathroom
Simply close the lid of the toilet. Close the shower
door or curtain. For the illusion of a freshly cleaned
bath, pour some Lysol in the trash can. That should hold
you until you finally get someone to empty the trash.
Doing the Dishes
If it doesn't come off in the dishwasher, run it
again and again. For really stubborn crud, just throw the
dish out and start fresh. An even better idea, use paper
plates, plastic utensils, paper napkins, etc. Provided
your family member or neighbor is taking out the trash, of
Only do what is at eye level or below. And only
right before someone is coming over! Run rag over
everything quickly. (Don't even waste your precious time on
the furniture polish. That would mean extra minutes away
from your computer, and that is just unacceptable!) For the
illusion of using those products, spray some air
Find a good place to hide it! If you absolutely need
to do it like you have no underwear (heck who needs
underwear) wash them then stick them in the dryer. When it
is time to fold them, DON'T! Just run the dryer to get out
the wrinkles when you need new clothes. Then when the
utility bill comes you can have a stroke! (As if it's
already not high enough with all the computer equipment you
got running 24-7!)
Sweeping and Mopping
Have your dog sweep floors with tail and lick up all
crumbs. If there are any stubborn spots that require
scrubbing recruit the cat. You may have to add some tuna
water to spot in order to insure a thorough job. (It's
about time their earned their keep!) If you do not have a
dog or cat, you are in trouble! Quick! Go find one
roaming the neighborhood! (Remember... Kittens are
Taking out the Trash
If you cant find anyone in your house to take it
out, try to bribe a neighbor or guilt them into it. Say you
hurt your back or some other sob story. A good story might
even get a few sympathy dinners out of the neighbor as
well! Try not to use the same story too often as they might
Call up a salesman for a vacuuming demonstration.
Have him show you how the vacuum works in all parts of the
house. Insist that even though the carpet looks the same,
it really is different in all parts of the house. Some
valuable tips for success: Don't always call same company,
keep a chart and rotate.
Washing the Car
Move it into the garage. (Heck, you don't use it
anyways. It's not like anyone is going to see you drive
Raise goats for some extra income. Set them loose in
the yard and they will keep the grass trimmed nice and
neat. Plus they'll eat any of the debris that gets in the
yard. Sell them in the winter, then you can start with a
new bunch in the spring.
Hopefully you find this list helpful in conserving
that valuable online time. Remember that frozen dinners and
food delivery services are a life saver on those days that
you just cant seem to get away from the puter!
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