Now that I am older...here's what I have discovered:

1. I STARTED out with nothing...I still have most of it.

2. When did my wild oats turn to prunes and All Bran?

3. I finally got my head together, now my body is falling apart.

4. Funny, I don't remember being absent minded.

5. All reports are in. Life is officially unfair.

6. If all is not lost, where is it?

7. It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.

8. I went to school to become a wit, only got half-way through...

9. It was all so different before everything changed.

10. Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant.

11. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

12. I wish the buck stopped here, I could use a few....

13. Kids in the back seat cause accidents;
accidents in the back seat cause kids.

14. Its not the pace of life that concerns me, it's the sudden stop at the end.

15. It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.

16. The only time the world beats a path to your door is when your in the bathroom.

17. If God wanted me to touch my toes he would have put them on my knees.

18. When you're finally holding all the cards, why does everyone else decide to play chess?

19. It's not hard to meet expenses...they're everywhere.

20. The only difference between a rut and a grave is depth.